Green bullshit

If it looks like shit and it smells like shit then ……………

There’s no shortage of charlatans in the agriculture supply chain and now there’s a whole new batch sporting environmental garb.  This afternoon I received this gem in my inbox:

“…………… this winter has been especially hard on plants, citrus
trees, and other types of produce. Whiteflies attacked local ficus trees, killing some and leaving several others leafless.

Frank (names changed to protect the guilty) applied Wonderdirt X-tra to a select population of affected trees . After only 20 days he’s seen visible improvement! We’re all very interested to see what his end results are after continued treatment with Wonderdirt X-tra.” 

Who cares?  We’re talking about 20 trees that might have recovered or died without treatment.  The only useful information that this “experiment” will provide is to tell us if Wonderdirt kills citrus trees. 

Based on a subsequent email it turns out that Wonderdirt also enhances the growth of marijuana plants.  Only legitimate medical use marijuana plants of course:

“Here are some excerpts from the first report by a legal, California grower:  I have a set of plants currently in their second week of flowering that have been receiving foliar application of your product. I started them on this program as soon as they became well rooted clones.  I must tell you.....I am absolutely amazed!”  I guess we’re supposed to believe it’s really good stuff if a pothead from California endorses it.

Here’s another one.  The premise for this scam is that we’re going to save agriculture by making more or less anything into charcoal.  Then – here’s the kicker – you farmers are going to pay to have this half-burned crap applied to your land.  It probably wouldn’t actually do any harm but don’t hold your breath waiting for a payback either.

When we were in business we always used to laugh at the pseudo-research that accompanied any new soil amendment.  Invariably if no yield benefit could be demonstrated then you could be certain that whatever the product was, it promoted better “root mass”.  You have to say it like a mid-westerner to get the real effect – it’s kind of a cross between “root” and “rut”.  What it means is “we can’t scientifically prove that anything is happening here but ---- damn the roots look good don’t they?”

There’s lots of good agricultural science gets done every year.  Look at the yield improvements in peas or canola over the last 20 years for proof.  There’s also lots of snake oil gets promoted and unfortunately some of it gets sold.  Retail marketers have long since jumped on the green bandwagon and you can expect ag marketers to follow suit.  Eventually it won’t all be bullshit but I’m willing to bet a lot of it will be.