………. and now for something completely different

In our culture there are some subjects that are deeply taboo. Different people find it hard to talk about different things but for most of us death is the ultimate taboo. Nobody wants to talk about it because that would involve admitting that death will eventually come to all of us. So our topic for the day is that awful subject, our own inevitable mortality.

When my mother died, a year ago now, I went to the safe and dug out an envelope that had been lying there for close to ten years. That’s how long ago mom & dad wrote down their final wishes and sent them to my sister and me. At the time I didn’t want to think about it, let alone talk about it, so I put the envelope in the safe and more or less forgot about it. Occasionally I would have to move it when I went to the safe for something else but it mostly just waited there until last November. Which is all it needed to do and fortunately I remembered where it was.

When I opened the envelope I found that it contained a simple little booklet that mother and father had each filled out. Inside that booklet was all the information that I needed to deal with the mechanics of their deaths. I don’t think they ever gave me a greater gift. Those of you who have dealt with this already will know what I am talking about but for those of you that haven’t, there are some bits of information that you will need and some decisions that you will have to make once your parents die. You won’t have all the information you need and some of it will be downright hard to find.

Think about your own death for a minute - do your kids know where their grandparents were born? If they don’t they are going to have to figure that out at a time in their lives when they have better things to be doing. More importantly do they know how you want your final celebration of life or memorial service to be handled?

Ideally we should sit down with our kids, have the conversation, make sure they take notes and then get on with living. I can’t do that and I haven’t done it. Of course I don’t plan to die anytime soon so it doesn’t matter but I’ve got friends who are already dead and doubtless you do too. That’s the problem. I don’t know when the “right” time will come, if it ever will.

Mom & dad were persuaded to write down their final wishes by a class they attended at their church. The material was so useful that I made a special point of seeking out the preacher at the funeral and telling him how helpful it had been. He got a sheepish look on his face and said “I guess I should do mine too.” He absolutely should because he has some serious health issues but that’s his problem.

We can all find a reason to delay doing this but if you want to do something yourself then I’ll make it easy for you. I have plagiarized the booklet that the aforementioned preacher put together and made it available online. All you need to do is download the file, open it in the Acrobat reader and print your own copy. It’s formatted so that it can be stapled into a small booklet. If you don’t do anything other than fill it out and mail it to your kids you will have done a wonderful thing. If you actually sit down with them and talk about the material you will have gone far beyond what 99% of parents ever do for their kids.

To download the "My Final Wishes" booklet click here and either save it to your hard drive or open it. Once you have it open you can print it and fill it out.